If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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