can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
