I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
