I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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