Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
