So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
