If i come over, it means nothing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
