happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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