I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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