And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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