i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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