So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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