I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
