I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
