Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
