Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
