how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
