i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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