I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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