you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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