i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
