He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
