Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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