This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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