She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
