Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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