I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
