U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
