I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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