dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
