If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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