Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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