Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
