Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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