I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
