i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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