i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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