He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
