Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
NoShamevember. You game?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
