at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
