i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
