before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
