I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
be right there i have to get my cape
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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