i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
