He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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