i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
