so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
