I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
