I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
