Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
