I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
