I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
