And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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