Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
